As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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