I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
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We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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