Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize