I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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