I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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