She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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