just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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