PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize