my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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