do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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