I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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