its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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