Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
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I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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