I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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