I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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