is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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