All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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