I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize