She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
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Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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