Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize