I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
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Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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