im about as happy as oj after his trial
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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