i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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