Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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