She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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