I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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