checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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