So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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