Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize