Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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