Your dad touched me again.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
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i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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