She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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