I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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