onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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