South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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