New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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