I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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