mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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