Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize