On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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