i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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