Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
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he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
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She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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