So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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