i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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