I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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