I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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