So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
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I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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