So drunk its hurt
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize