it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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