the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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