Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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